June 25, 2016

Four Keys to a Successful Relationship

Relationships shouldn't be hard, but sometimes we all need a gentle reminder to put in that little extra bit of effort. These four tips/realizations have really helped me keep things in perspective and maintain a healthy relationship. The love doctor is in... (just kidding) 

Love Someone the Way They Want to be Loved
This one I learned from a colleague during a casual conversation about relationships. It was something he had realized and as soon as he said it was like a giant light bulb went on. It was literally an "aha!" moment. Like, duh. It's so incredibly obvious, but makes such a big difference. Everyone shows love differently and everyone wants to be loved differently. You have to do the things that make the other person happy and give the kind of love they want to receive, rather than the kind you want to give. Even if that means you have to be the big spoon (despite your rightful place as the little one...)

The Importance of Rallying
These are all super important, but this is a game-changer. Imagine you're super excited to do something and the person you're going with is just not feeling it. It drags you down, ruins the day, and eventually, makes you resent that person for ruining it. This past May was our one year anniversary and we spent three nights at a beautiful inn (love love love). Going into the weekend I was starting to get a sore throat, but by the third night of excessive wine (not complaining), it was bad. I was headache-y, achey, and it hurt to even swallow. Boyfriend said we could stay in and order room service if I wanted, but I could tell he was not into the idea at all. This was his beautiful anniversary weekend that he planned and I was being a sucky baby and ruining it. I needed to rally. I felt like crap, but I was also allowing myself to feel like crap. So I got up, had a shot of espresso, amped up the makeup and put on a sexy dress and heels. And you know what? We had a great dinner and night together and I completely forgot about my sore throat. Sometimes you really need to push through for the sake of the other person. This applies to everything from an activity you're not feeling to sex. Rally!

The Benefit of the Doubt
This is one I still occasionally struggle with. I'm definitely prone to being a little sensitive and over-analyzing things, especially when I'm stressed. Why did he say that? What did he really mean by that? You know the spiral. It's beyond important to CHILL and give the other person the benefit of the doubt that they're not saying or doing something with the intention to hurt or upset you.

Remember Why You Love Them
This ties in with giving them the benefit of the doubt, but in those moments when you are annoyed or upset, just remind yourself why you love them. It's easy to get worked up about things but if you can take a step back and remember all the ways they make you happy, you'll stop being shitty real quick.

What are things you've learned that make relationships successful?

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